Daydreams Diary: The End

[continued from Daydreams Diary: Is This]

I’ve tried every possible avenue to prevent this. Sadly, this is what it’s come to.

We will be closing shop in June, just ahead of our 7 year anniversary.

This is not a hasty decision. We have contemplated this fate for over a year. Truth be told, we probably should have done this last year, but we had hope and were trying to hang on. Now all that hope has fizzled out.

My health has been poor for a solid two years now, and due to complications back in August of last year, it has gotten progressively worse. Those events back in August also caused quite a bit of financial strain making just about everything difficult.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to do this, but I have to.

 

Reflection

This has been my life’s work all rolled into this magical little place. What started as a brush-up on writing, turned into something so much more—because of you.

You made me realize I still had other talents; that those talents were worth sharing. The artists I’ve met over the years both overseas and here at home pushed me to make things better. Then came Snapping Turtle—a full-blown business built solely on dreams.

You have made me so happy. Words cannot even begin to describe.

I’ve made friends here. I’ve made business relationships here. Generally, the entire time I’ve had the pleasure of interacting with some really interesting and wonderful walks of life.

It’s been a blast. & I am going to miss it, dearly.

 

Dreams

Perhaps in the coming weeks, we’ll put together some sort of highlights reel. Mostly since it’s near impossible to list all of our great moments here without boring you to death. & Who knows? Maybe we’ll start back up again in the future under a brand new name. (One can dream, right?)

For now, we’d simply like to take this time out to thank those that have had a significant impact on our journey.

Special Thanks

The Early Bunch a.k.a “The Day Ones” as our family lovingly refers to them.

Ra Avis, better known as Rarasaur. Where would we be without you? Where would I be? You have supported me from the very beginning, through thick and thin, and without judgment or question. You have introduced me to some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life. My soul is richer for it. You re-started a fire in me that I thought was long extinguished. That spark created a lot of beautiful things. There is so much more to say, I cannot possibly fit it all here. Just always know, as you would say, “You are loved.” You are SO loved, my friend. & No matter how many changes you go through or what shitstorm life throws at us, just know you have made a giant dino footprint in my heart and in my life. I love you, soul sister, always.

Dave “Grayson Queen” Martinez, better known to most here as artist/author Grayson. Our world stopped for a while when you left it, friend. I’ll never forget our talks on expanding the community of horror writers, authors, and artists. It was because of you something like 31Nightmares was born. I only wish you got to see it. You made me remember where I came from. A priceless gift. I am forever grateful to you for that.

Dianne Gray, Maddie Cochere, Kozo Hattori and last but most certainly not least, Sofia Siberia.

Dianne, you once could’ve won the award for most supportive comments on here. We love you and think about you often.

Maddie, oh dear, Maddie. One of my favorite authors. You became like family to me—like a lot of you here. Thank you so much for supporting my artwork when it just got its start. I will never forget that. It was your encouragement that kept me and this machine moving forward. You were there through a lot of the ups & downs. We are better for knowing you.

Kozo, my goodness, Kozo you have touched my life in a way not many can. You were a therapist, a friend, a supporter, and so much more. You helped heal more than one old wound on this here alley cat. I can never repay you for that. All I can do is pay it forward, and I’ve done just that ever since. Sometimes I think you’re an angel in disguise. I might just be right. 😉

Sofia, my Sofia. You very quickly became one of my best friends here. You and I always seem to know what the other is thinking before we verbalize it. That is a special thing. A rare thing. Something I treasure. You were there for a great big chunk of this journey. You healed and helped heal. You were supportive. You gave me a guest platform and a piece of your heart. Your mark will always be felt here and protected, and treasured. I love you, my sister from another life.

The Stories Family

Matt “DJ Matticus” Blashill, “The Don BroJo”, Samara, Jeanette “NotAPunkRocker”, “Goldy”

The Newer Bunch

Scott “TwinDaddy”, Revis, Bill Friday, Michael Patrick, Dean Keely, everybody at News 12NJ, Weird NJ, Jesse P. Pollack, Tony Todd, David Barnett, Sunny “SunBunz”, Curtis “Clyde Phalanx”, and so many more.

We have so much we can say about all of you, but mostly we want to thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for believing in us as a family unit, and me, J “Daydreams” as a person, and professionally, as an artist.

I’ll give you all a moment to digest. I’m going to need one as well. Hopefully, this isn’t goodbye, just ciao for now.

and one more thing…

Don’t ever stop dreaming.

J

 

 

Advertisements

Sleepy Sundays: Way Up There

Way Up There ©️ 2019 Snapping Turtle Arts | cardcastlesinthesky.com

You ever change something so many times it makes you dizzy? Isn’t it even better when you end up right where you began?

This has been the last few months for me. A whole bunch of starting off strong just to get caught under the tires.

I feel a change coming, though. & I’ve certainly had enough. Get back to me when I’m out of this.


Where have you been? What have you been up to? Where has everyone gone? Am I really that vile?

Talk to me. After all, this is our Sunday ritual.

Daydreams Diary: Knots

I am seriously debating closing down CardCastles and the larger umbrella responsible for it (Snapping Turtle) for good.

This is not for lack of trying, let me stress.

March has forever been unkind to me throughout my entire life. You may have even read that here before. I don’t have to tell you the following for privacy reasons, but I’m going to. Holding it in is making me even sicker than I already am.

My sister had her daughter (my niece) taken away from her by her ex. There’s a whole lot more to that, but that is just tier one of a set of things that are rapidly pushing me over the edge.

The tax return we were so heavily depending on (to move out of this hellhole) has been seized for student loan debt. All of it.

To top it all off, I just recently discovered my uncle who was once my legal guardian upon my grandmother’s passing, went behind my back while I was hospitalized back in 2006 and somehow illegally obtained “power of attorney” over me. What that basically translates to is I have no rights. He can sign things for me, obtain any money that comes to me. Fraudulently fill out forms in my name, etc etc. & He’ll be protected from any prosecution because, well, Power of Attorney.

Fighting any of this issues in court are near impossible for me since I am floating just above the national poverty line.

 

I am defeated. Depression has taken a strangle hold over me. & I am not sure if I can keep fighting anymore. The sickness I’ve been suffering from is spreading.

To keep this place standing is starting to feel like a crushing burden. I’m still undecided, but I figured I’d try to keep those of you that care in the loop. There are knots in my stomach and I can’t keep food down.

I hope this all isn’t a complete waste. I’ve worked so hard to get here.

I really love a lot of you and I’m sorry to unload all of this depressing muck on you. Pray/chant/will things for us. We will certainly need it in the months ahead.

 

Sleepy Sundays: Oh So Quiet

[Click images for higher res. versions]

I’m sharing two artworks again today to make up for some lost time. The future is a bit uncertain. I’m in a tremendous amount of pain as I type this, so I’ll keep this short.

I hope those of you that celebrate holidays around this time of year are all having a peaceful time among friends and/or family.

For those of you that aren’t, I simply wish you love, and some peace of mind.

Have a restful Sunday

The Lift

I can be impulsive.

Those of you that know me are no strangers to that.

A few days back I posted a “Shutdown Notice” of sorts closing down the site, my services, and all of the CardCastles social media accounts.

Wintery

I’ve never seen the Stats for this place spike so high. Oh, it certainly wasn’t because folks were concerned, I assure you. Not over 500+ in less than an hour. No, my close friends and core group know where to reach me & certainly wouldn’t spam the buttons here to do so.

That spike was likely due to people that cannot wait to see me fall on my face.

 

Although my health is indeed dwindling, I still have hope.

“The audacity of hope!” – President Barack Obama

Hope is something I tend to cling to with all of my being.
After all, I’ve always been like a cat with nine lives, and well, hell, I’m just not that easy to kill.

When I left, there was a guilt I felt because I’m trying to build this business even larger than it already is. My goal is to stack it into something that can eventually help my family and friends. Due to groundwork I laid out earlier this year, I’m already halfway there.

So, I can’t really just stop now. Even though I certainly felt the need to for a while.

Over the last few days, I got to see how much I really am appreciated, however silently, it’s still appreciation, and it matters. You filled my inboxes, my DMs, tweeted out little playlists for me. (One of my potential future moderators who you’ll soon hopefully be meeting shared all of this with me while I was away. We both had a good laugh about how I couldn’t leave this place if I tried.)

One last thing pushed me back here beside all that.

Wild Card

I thought of someone I care about who is going through my exact same struggle right now. She hasn’t stopped her magic for one minute. Even with all she has on her plate, and doing every bit of it while in pain, she hasn’t thrown in the towel. She’s still going.

That inspires me. That’s a strength I’ve only seen in one other place—through the women in my own family, particularly, my late mother.

So while I had my time to sit and sob

and even though the holidays are draining every last bit of sanity I have left

I

can’t

stop.

After all, I am a creator.

And

We’re all mad here.