I can be impulsive.
Those of you that know me are no strangers to that.
A few days back I posted a “Shutdown Notice” of sorts closing down the site, my services, and all of the CardCastles social media accounts.
I’ve never seen the Stats for this place spike so high. Oh, it certainly wasn’t because folks were concerned, I assure you. Not over 500+ in less than an hour. No, my close friends and core group know where to reach me & certainly wouldn’t spam the buttons here to do so.
That spike was likely due to people that cannot wait to see me fall on my face.
Although my health is indeed dwindling, I still have hope.
“The audacity of hope!” – President Barack Obama
Hope is something I tend to cling to with all of my being.
After all, I’ve always been like a cat with nine lives, and well, hell, I’m just not that easy to kill.
When I left, there was a guilt I felt because I’m trying to build this business even larger than it already is. My goal is to stack it into something that can eventually help my family and friends. Due to groundwork I laid out earlier this year, I’m already halfway there.
So, I can’t really just stop now. Even though I certainly felt the need to for a while.
Over the last few days, I got to see how much I really am appreciated, however silently, it’s still appreciation, and it matters. You filled my inboxes, my DMs, tweeted out little playlists for me. (One of my potential future moderators who you’ll soon hopefully be meeting shared all of this with me while I was away. We both had a good laugh about how I couldn’t leave this place if I tried.)
One last thing pushed me back here beside all that.
I thought of someone I care about who is going through my exact same struggle right now. She hasn’t stopped her magic for one minute. Even with all she has on her plate, and doing every bit of it while in pain, she hasn’t thrown in the towel. She’s still going.
That inspires me. That’s a strength I’ve only seen in one other place—through the women in my own family, particularly, my late mother.
So while I had my time to sit and sob
and even though the holidays are draining every last bit of sanity I have left
After all, I am a creator.
We’re all mad here.