I am seriously debating closing down CardCastles and the larger umbrella responsible for it (Snapping Turtle) for good.
This is not for lack of trying, let me stress.
March has forever been unkind to me throughout my entire life. You may have even read that here before. I don’t have to tell you the following for privacy reasons, but I’m going to. Holding it in is making me even sicker than I already am.
My sister had her daughter (my niece) taken away from her by her ex. There’s a whole lot more to that, but that is just tier one of a set of things that are rapidly pushing me over the edge.
The tax return we were so heavily depending on (to move out of this hellhole) has been seized for student loan debt. All of it.
To top it all off, I just recently discovered my uncle who was once my legal guardian upon my grandmother’s passing, went behind my back while I was hospitalized back in 2006 and somehow illegally obtained “power of attorney” over me. What that basically translates to is I have no rights. He can sign things for me, obtain any money that comes to me. Fraudulently fill out forms in my name, etc etc. & He’ll be protected from any prosecution because, well, Power of Attorney.
Fighting any of this issues in court are near impossible for me since I am floating just above the national poverty line.
I am defeated. Depression has taken a strangle hold over me. & I am not sure if I can keep fighting anymore. The sickness I’ve been suffering from is spreading.
To keep this place standing is starting to feel like a crushing burden. I’m still undecided, but I figured I’d try to keep those of you that care in the loop. There are knots in my stomach and I can’t keep food down.
I hope this all isn’t a complete waste. I’ve worked so hard to get here.
I really love a lot of you and I’m sorry to unload all of this depressing muck on you. Pray/chant/will things for us. We will certainly need it in the months ahead.
There are a few new sets of florals I’ve got set up that will be shown here throughout the upcoming spring season. Road blocks have certainly been built up in my way since the start of this year. Last week was no different. Massive power outages in my region restricted internet access for a short while. Some electricity came back on, but then our connections became unstable. The result was a short closing of the site & its services.
Maybe it was the florals I’m working on, or the power outages that got me thinking about all things nature. Though I’d like to think it is the strong women that remain ever-so-present in my life through trial & triumph—sickness and superpowers.
This one is for all of the goddesses in my life that keep manifesting otherwordly beauty despite whatever negativity tries to blanket you and smother your blinding light.
That first image was designed with your fears in mind and is a stark contrast from the ideas behind the second design. If you were to tilt your head to the side and imagine yourself underneath a row of trees this would likely be your perspective, should you happen to be in some woodsy area in the fall. The parallel set of trees are stretched and blurred just slightly out of your view. As if your vision is hazy and foggy for some reason. Skewed is an early concept for a set design.
The second is much simpler. This weekend I longed for quieter moments while dealing with a chaotic week. My niece has been heavy on my mind since both she and my sister are in Irma’s path. (I’m way further north, so I worry for them since I’m so far.) Yesterday morning she insisted she’s safe. Quieter was made for and inspired by my niece and will be used for greeting cards and other prints.
What are your quiet places? Do you have any? How do you stay calm during a storm?
This week ended with something that completely stopped time for me for a short while.
My phone rang out as I was getting out of the shower in a rush and it one of those phone calls that kind of makes you go deaf for a second when you first receive the news.
It was my sister on the other end. There had been problems in her relationship for a while now.
The phone call itself was no surprise to me but it’s results somehow still were despite their similarities to times passed. This rang especially true since this all involves my niece who is a product of this rocky relationship, and my blood nonetheless, despite difficult circumstances both my sister and I are now facing as a direct result of said rockiness.
She managed to find herself an attorney in all this mess. Just like my mother would have. This greeting card/wall art design was inspired by an early concept of characters I’m designing for my sister’s daughter, my niece. & They will later go on to be used as prints for others nieces and daughters and sisters, and mothers.
If you our anyone close to you is thinking
about suicide please reach out to someone you can trust