Daydreams Diary: Knots

I am seriously debating closing down CardCastles and the larger umbrella responsible for it (Snapping Turtle) for good.

This is not for lack of trying, let me stress.

March has forever been unkind to me throughout my entire life. You may have even read that here before. I don’t have to tell you the following for privacy reasons, but I’m going to. Holding it in is making me even sicker than I already am.

My sister had her daughter (my niece) taken away from her by her ex. There’s a whole lot more to that, but that is just tier one of a set of things that are rapidly pushing me over the edge.

The tax return we were so heavily depending on (to move out of this hellhole) has been seized for student loan debt. All of it.

To top it all off, I just recently discovered my uncle who was once my legal guardian upon my grandmother’s passing, went behind my back while I was hospitalized back in 2006 and somehow illegally obtained “power of attorney” over me. What that basically translates to is I have no rights. He can sign things for me, obtain any money that comes to me. Fraudulently fill out forms in my name, etc etc. & He’ll be protected from any prosecution because, well, Power of Attorney.

Fighting any of this issues in court are near impossible for me since I am floating just above the national poverty line.

 

I am defeated. Depression has taken a strangle hold over me. & I am not sure if I can keep fighting anymore. The sickness I’ve been suffering from is spreading.

To keep this place standing is starting to feel like a crushing burden. I’m still undecided, but I figured I’d try to keep those of you that care in the loop. There are knots in my stomach and I can’t keep food down.

I hope this all isn’t a complete waste. I’ve worked so hard to get here.

I really love a lot of you and I’m sorry to unload all of this depressing muck on you. Pray/chant/will things for us. We will certainly need it in the months ahead.

 

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The Stars

Last night, when I put my son to bed, there was something out of the ordinary. If you know children, then you know the bedtime routine can always be a bit sanity-draining. It starts with the push/pull of “Time to go to bed!”, “No!” followed by enough silly requests to make even a celebrity assistant overwhelmed.

Last night was a Rough Draft Wall Artshift from the norm.

My son was visibly tired and instead of his 21 requests, he had merely one question for me.

“Where do we come from?”

Now, normally this is a question that would make most people panic. I’m surprised it didn’t make me have a heart attack, actually. Instead, I answered quickly and from the heart – (which is trait I possess that often gets me into trouble, but this time, it actually helped.)

“The stars.”

His normal 21 questions starting with “Why?” or “Why not?”, following my response were null. Instead his eyes light up, and he simply smiled. He smiled a “knowing” smile that only some relatives of mine recognize. It is a “knowing” smile of “seers” and all things visual.

What I found to be even stranger, and somehow fated, was it took place right after a long day where there had been a lot of spiritual conversation going on in my personal life. The subject of “the stars” just seemed to keep popping up. Earlier that morning, we shared a spotless, but heart-wrenching piece from Rara over at Stories with a theme of stars tied in as well.

It all got me thinking. How small we all are in such a vast, boundless universe. So, I created this piece, another inspired by my beautiful, kind, intelligent, sensitive being of a son.

and I titled it:

The Stars

The Stars

For the Love of Horror

Autumn TreelineHorror has been with us for centuries now. First in books; many years later in films, and then…everywhere. Halloween traditions weren’t always the mainstream monster you see plastered all over superstores today. No, not at all. In fact, I’d like to take a page from my own book (figuratively speaking) and bring up a fond memory that I know many of you may share. A great deal of you may still even take part in this today.

Horror movie marathons.

Oh, yes. I can feel the massive amount of grins that created already. 🙂

The children of the 80’s (better known as “80’s babies“) probably know what I mean the most. We grew up in an era of many cheesy (but loved) slasher movies. These movies laid the groundwork for most of the films that are popular today.

This begs the question:
Why do we love horror?

I’ve tossed around this topic excessively in a plethora of social circles. Predictably, it always generates a load of buzz. Why, you ask? The answer may lie deep within the human psyche.
It’s simple, really. People like to be scared. After years of asking the same question everyone seems to return a similar answer. They enjoy the thrill of being frightened out of their wits and not knowing what’s going to happen next. As long as they can maintain some level of control. (Put the book down, pause or turn the movie off.) As long as this madness is not happening in reality, people enjoy it. (Most of us anyway.) That’s the simple explanation. Try bringing up this topic with your friends and watch it get much more complex.

Anyone that works in journalism would tell you that frightening events are simply..more interesting. That may sound cruel or morbid, but it’s true. We tend to flock to something unknown and maybe even a bit scary and get drawn in.

Clearly, I could go on for days on this subject. I’d like to leave you with a quick thought before I bow out, though. If being scared is what we find interesting…what do we find truly terrifying? Snack on that question when you’re trying to get to bed tonight. 😉
Happy Halloween season, everyone!