Anger in the Age of

flashback, 1996, NY, statue

Anger.

Whether misdirected or in the form of cyber-bullying, or through my former articles about stress & anger management, or any of the stories I shared about abuse during my time with STMND, anger is a topic we’re quite familiar with here at CardCastles.

So some of the replies I got today due to my support of another strong woman, Maxine Waters, didn’t surprise me.

chat iconThese may seem like two simple pieces of the internet at first glance. Although I did notice something and have been noticing this over & over play out again & again.
When you look at this from a broader scale, it may be clear to some that this response is the language of hate, and not just mere opinion.

Let’s dive deeper, shall we?

Calling someone like Maxine or myself crazy, from the pedestal that many of these cult followers stand on, is something abusers and controllers, bullies and dictactors have done since the beginning of time. They try to silence or discredit the person by calling the person, “crazy” thus nulling their opinion. Some of the cultists that responded to what I said up there called me crazy too for calling her a strong woman.

That kind of language is something I’m all too familiar with, coming from a cycle of abuse myself. I lived with a family member that used this tactic on both my mother and myself often.

In a society where I think most of us are trying to eradicate the stigma surrounding mental illness, language like this is a double-edged sword. Let’s face it, though. People that could support this regime don’t exactly care about anyone—not even themselves.

This is a pattern I’m seeing in all of these people that support this regime. They appear brainwashed, are usually not of high intelligence, and have abusive and/or racist tendencies. They use religion as a means to hide behind and defend their hideous actions. It is sickening to watch and to say the lot of that are sane in this country are tired of it is far beyond an understatement.

This type of silencing and spiritual and psychologial and even generational warfare they have begun will have lasting effects for generations to come.

Despite them and their abuse,

I am telling all of you with a heart and soul left in your body to speak up now and condemn all of this madness every single time you see it.

Now is not the time to be silent and respectful anymore.

We are going through a full blown crisis of epic proportions in this country and we have to protect our youth while uplifting each other. It is a damn war zone out here with all of this violence happening and such hate in the air.

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Sleepy Sundays: Brighter Day

Brighter Day © 2018 Snapping Turtle Arts | cardcastlesinthesky.com

A lot has changed in the past few months. Even more is still changing. We are no longer moving our place of residence and this office. (At least not any time in the near future.) A great deal has gone on behind the scenes.

One thing remains constant. My health is still considerably poor. We are doing our best to fix this. Although, I’m not too sure what’s in the cards for me.

We decided to renew CardCastles for another year anyway. Somehow, I still have this strange optimism despite having tea with the reaper lately. There’s so much more to tell you, but we’re going to have to save that for a Daydreams Diary. For now, let’s all just try to look towards brighter days together.

What gives you hope?

Have a peaceful Sunday

Daydreams Diary: Knots

I am seriously debating closing down CardCastles and the larger umbrella responsible for it (Snapping Turtle) for good.

This is not for lack of trying, let me stress.

March has forever been unkind to me throughout my entire life. You may have even read that here before. I don’t have to tell you the following for privacy reasons, but I’m going to. Holding it in is making me even sicker than I already am.

My sister had her daughter (my niece) taken away from her by her ex. There’s a whole lot more to that, but that is just tier one of a set of things that are rapidly pushing me over the edge.

The tax return we were so heavily depending on (to move out of this hellhole) has been seized for student loan debt. All of it.

To top it all off, I just recently discovered my uncle who was once my legal guardian upon my grandmother’s passing, went behind my back while I was hospitalized back in 2006 and somehow illegally obtained “power of attorney” over me. What that basically translates to is I have no rights. He can sign things for me, obtain any money that comes to me. Fraudulently fill out forms in my name, etc etc. & He’ll be protected from any prosecution because, well, Power of Attorney.

Fighting any of this issues in court are near impossible for me since I am floating just above the national poverty line.

 

I am defeated. Depression has taken a strangle hold over me. & I am not sure if I can keep fighting anymore. The sickness I’ve been suffering from is spreading.

To keep this place standing is starting to feel like a crushing burden. I’m still undecided, but I figured I’d try to keep those of you that care in the loop. There are knots in my stomach and I can’t keep food down.

I hope this all isn’t a complete waste. I’ve worked so hard to get here.

I really love a lot of you and I’m sorry to unload all of this depressing muck on you. Pray/chant/will things for us. We will certainly need it in the months ahead.

 

The Lift

I can be impulsive.

Those of you that know me are no strangers to that.

A few days back I posted a “Shutdown Notice” of sorts closing down the site, my services, and all of the CardCastles social media accounts.

Wintery

I’ve never seen the Stats for this place spike so high. Oh, it certainly wasn’t because folks were concerned, I assure you. Not over 500+ in less than an hour. No, my close friends and core group know where to reach me & certainly wouldn’t spam the buttons here to do so.

That spike was likely due to people that cannot wait to see me fall on my face.

 

Although my health is indeed dwindling, I still have hope.

“The audacity of hope!” – President Barack Obama

Hope is something I tend to cling to with all of my being.
After all, I’ve always been like a cat with nine lives, and well, hell, I’m just not that easy to kill.

When I left, there was a guilt I felt because I’m trying to build this business even larger than it already is. My goal is to stack it into something that can eventually help my family and friends. Due to groundwork I laid out earlier this year, I’m already halfway there.

So, I can’t really just stop now. Even though I certainly felt the need to for a while.

Over the last few days, I got to see how much I really am appreciated, however silently, it’s still appreciation, and it matters. You filled my inboxes, my DMs, tweeted out little playlists for me. (One of my potential future moderators who you’ll soon hopefully be meeting shared all of this with me while I was away. We both had a good laugh about how I couldn’t leave this place if I tried.)

One last thing pushed me back here beside all that.

Wild Card

I thought of someone I care about who is going through my exact same struggle right now. She hasn’t stopped her magic for one minute. Even with all she has on her plate, and doing every bit of it while in pain, she hasn’t thrown in the towel. She’s still going.

That inspires me. That’s a strength I’ve only seen in one other place—through the women in my own family, particularly, my late mother.

So while I had my time to sit and sob

and even though the holidays are draining every last bit of sanity I have left

I

can’t

stop.

After all, I am a creator.

And

We’re all mad here.

Daydreams Diary: I’ve Been Waiting…

It’s been a while since I sat down to catch up with you.

There’s a reason for that.

In the recent words of someone I’ve always admired, actress Uma Thurman,

 

“I’ve been waiting to feel less angry.”

 

I’ve got a flurry of these Daydreams Diaries coming up this season perhaps making up for it.

With all of the events going on in the world, I felt the sudden urge to re-post my own #MeToo story,

The Girl That Didn’t Cry Wolf

 

 

Shared exclusively a few years ago at Stories That Must Not Die.

I think it’s important to highlight this happens to very young girls too. & We need to protect and educate our children.


Love Always,
Daydreams