Daydreams Diary: Flames (Part II)

Daydreams in Otherworlds © 2017 Snapping Turtle Arts | cardcastlesinthesky.com

When I first started out, “Daydreams” was very much a character.

Now she’s just a cloak that I wear to protect whatever little shred of privacy I have left.

Flurry

I’ve all but exposed my whole ass for the world to see. Most are no longer comfortable with me since I’m not fluffing their egos while being kind and PC. But I’m getting off-track a bit. Let’s rewind to the first half of this before I go any further.

It chirped away. Not a pleasant bell like that of a teeny sparrow, but a manic, repetitive, screeching sound akin to metal on metal. I could almost sense what it was. In fact, in the corners of my subconscious, I think I very much did.

It was a person in my professional network, pointing me towards the mouthes of the displeased.

Displeasure—oh, how I’ve danced with you on and off these past few years.

Passive-aggressive in its nature, though point taken, it stood out like a festering sore on a beautiful face. It’s always a meme, right? No one can pull me aside and quietly voice their grievances. No, it has to be shouted to their entire following, but covertly enough that I can’t expose them. So much so that if I did, I’d look like the crazy one.

This is not the first time.

Or the second.

And I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Oh no, definitely not the last. But I’m not allowed to feel either.

“Oh stop whining.”

“What a butthurt bitch.”

“Quit playing the victim.”

I can hear it now. Loud as ever.

I’ve been more vocal on human rights issues and more. These are some things sadly deemed “political.”

“It ain’t cute, sweetheart.” They said I was shaming people. Well darlin’ sadly, in these times we’re living in, some things need to be shamed.

In the words of someone I’ve always deeply admired that’s been harmed by the very industry I work alongside:

Name it. Shame it. Call it out.Rose McGowan

So what’s wrong with me calling these issues out? Why does that all of a sudden make me not your cup of tea? What does my little insignificant voice have to do with your happiness? Why do you feel the need to tear me down in the process?

I thought I was well past letting bullshit like that penetrate me. But it has. Yet again. Especially when these [very public] bashings start to effect my income. (If I showed you the numbers, and how far they’ve traveled downward since about May 2017, you’d cry.)

I’m slowly moving past it. After all, the projects on my desk don’t give a shit who is ripping me apart and why. I had a little outburst over it, then soon after regretted it. It made me look like the asshole. It made me look immature. Though I come from a place where if you don’t respond, you’re a coward. Though in today’s world, if you do respond, you’re giving them attention and that also winds up making you look like an idiot.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Amidst all this madness I had a great conversation with one of my best friends whom I consider like adopted family. He spoke of similar situations with slimy people’s passive-aggressive nature and likened getting rid of such negativity to purging impurities with flames. What a beautiful comparison it was. Like the practice of burning sage—a cleansing ritual.

So I guess what I’m stabbing at in all this is, sometimes we need to purge the ugliness in our life with flames. And no, I’m not telling you to go set shit on fire. (Ya crazy asses.) I’m simply hinting at the notion that in order to truly move up and move on in our lives, sometimes we really need to cut things loose—set them ablaze. One thing I’m learning is it doesn’t matter how many times we feel we have to do this. If we feel the need, it’s probably for a reason. There’s probably another phase ready for us on the other side waiting.

So go burn some sage.

– Daydreams

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31 Nightmares 2017: The 7th

One thing we haven’t dived right into here yet during this year’s #31Nightmares is horror in sound, or soundtracks, and even in special effects.
Sound effects have been a hobby of mine since early childhood so this is also another subject right up my alleyways.

The composers that took on the horror genre in film & tv have always taught me quite a bit along my work and training in music over the years. This soundtrack sampling I uploaded to SoundCloud earlier this year (The first few tracks on the soundtrack) featured above was heavily influenced by techniques I’ve learned & experimented with over the years.

Dismissed

If 2017 has taught me anything, it’s to not make hasty announcements. Things can always change down the line, especially when collaborating with others.
Alicia in the Woods, announced here last year was supposed to be just that, a collaborative effort, but things change.
People change and life changes.

I have however had fun working on this project because I got to take a stab at designing a soundtrack and working with sound fx. Later on through the months spent working on this endeavor, aimed at a teen to adult (family-oriented) audience, I got to experiment and learn a lot about a lane that has always interested me—stop motion.

The Backwoods © 2017 cardcastlesinthesky.com | Snapping Turtle Publishing

The project is not canceled completely. We’re just not sure when it will be releasing due to changes with cast & crew. Stop-motion has been a hell of a lot of fun (& work) though and I’ve been happy to work on this storyline and animation/character design as a side project.

The horror genre has influenced me deeply throughout my career as an artist and it helped lead me to the field of concept art.

I cannot wait to see where else it takes me.

 

Alicia

This has been Day 7 of

 

Moving On

There’s a great number of things coming to a close these days. My own life is no different. With change comes a certain need for adjustment but, I think sometimes we’re better for it in the long run.

As I discussed the upcoming school year with my son yesterday, I asked him “Are you ready?”

The little one then replied with something I think we all can take note of at times.

“Yea Mom, I’m movin’ on.”

My son is only five years old. (Won’t be six until August) Yet, this little guy seems to hold more knowledge in him than a lot of us as adults.

~This one’s for you little guy~

Moving On

Moving On

Family Drama, Nostalgia, and Then Some

I remember a time that was much simpler than this. One where my cousins and I would run and play for hours, without a care in the world. Somehow, all of that dissipated with time. Adulthood came in, along with responsibility, Not So Empty Roomand innocence was then lost.

Over the years, my family has fought over many trivial matters. Like many other families, ours is a bit of the dysfunctional sort, but we manage because we are filled with love. With so many of us now gone, it has brought the remaining relatives closer…or so we thought.

Now, I have a family of my own to care for. My three-year old son is full of energy and needs my attention all of the time. So, you can imagine my displeased nature when I got a phone call Monday about my other family members having a little “drama” going on.

It seems, my sister, (someone I love unconditionally and thought could do no wrong) has posted something online for the world to see (on the social network that shall remain nameless that I’ll just refer to now as “FB”.) I’m not much into social networking sites for personal reasons. I had an incident a few years back where some jerks invaded my privacy and then began internet bullying me afterward. This is one of the reasons I remain somewhat anonymous to this day. (Hopefully, someday that can change.)

Anyway, back to that phone call.

So, my grandfather called me up to let me know my sister was ranting and raving about Mother’s Day and how much she hates it because her mother never gave a damn about her and some other horrible (and partially untrue) things I’d rather not mention.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Although my mother had her problems over the years, she loved us both more than we sometimes deserved. To give you a little back-story, my sister and I grew up in separate homes, and away from our mother (long story) but we remained in contact over the years. In effort to make a longer story short – this hurt my grandfather because that was his daughter, and she is deceased. Not to mention, how it has effected me…I mean…that’s my Mom. I cannot describe to any of you in words how much it hurt when she passed away. She was so young…and so am I still, so it was a devastating loss.

My sister is younger than me, and like I said earlier, grew up with a different family – so I can somewhat understand her pain/anger. I’ve felt similarly in the past. However, the difference between my sister and I? I could and would never say something that hurtful.

My problem now is how to get the message across to my younger sister that this was not only inappropriate, but hurt a lot of family members that still very much miss my mother.

It seems I’m always the figurative janitor of the family. When they fight and argue with each other, I’m the one that cleans up the mess.

This brings me back to something my awesome aunt said recently: “I hate drama, that shit is for high school kids. I like boring. Boring is my new fun. Give me my boring little life any day.”

Undone
As I wrote this, I listened to this:

Alela Diane – Take Us Back