Sleepy Sundays: The People in the Room

The People in the Room © 2019 Snapping Turtle Arts | cardcastlesinthesky.com

It’s been a good long while since we’ve been around in the clouds.
The wind seems to have swept us away.

Although you’ll hear all about that in an upcoming Daydreams Diary, we wished to catch you up on some of what’s gone on while we were away.


We had originally planned just to be away for the holidays after our October festivities ended here last year. Then a few unexpected events took place. I ran into some financial issues with my home and business due to my medical issues in August of last year. After that I got word a close relative of mine’s health was dwindling. & My life changed overnight. Everything else stopped and it was like nothing else mattered at that moment but my family and those I love.

A lot had to slow down. We had to take a breather. We had to sort things out. Before we could do any of that I got a call that my favorite uncle, my great uncle, my grandfather’s brother, who basically took a hand in raising me (it takes a village) and had been there all my life and so much more, had passed away.

So many emotions.

More than I care to drown you with here.

Sad but beautiful.

My Uncle “Pat” Pasquale, had touched so many of our lives in different ways. Though, in the later years of my life I remember his MS getting worse. Sadly, in very recent years it took a turn for the worst. Though he lived a great, long life, my Uncle Pat. He was one of the greatest storytellers I have ever known.

At his wake, my cousin Randy said some very moving words about him that could not have been more true for any one of us. He spoke of how my Uncle Pat loved nothing more than being a Dad, a grandfather, part of our family, an elder, and the people in the room. He certainly loved all of us.

Those words inspired the title behind this work, mostly due to how during the whole very sad but love-filled process, there were certainly a few times I felt others in my life that have passed on in the room. Others that were close to my uncle as well. Others like my own mother, that I felt a little nudge from a few times. These are things I usually only share with that side of my family. My mother’s side. The one that has a line of women just like me that are not afraid to speak of such things. Though, I’m starting to think you’re ready. I’m blessed to have them. The people in the room.



It’s been a while since we posted some music along with one of our Sunday posts so what better choice to go along with this theme than to introduce to you my very gifted and gorgeous little cousin Nicolette.

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Daydreams Diary: Journey

Well, I’m not dead.

(Sorry, my dark sense of humor is showing itself.)

August is behind us, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. Life is something I certainly don’t take for granted. When you lose a lot of people before their time, it has a way of making you appreciate waking up each day.

We went through a significant loss while I was away. This event is not something I could just glaze over, no matter how private a person I may be. Doctors discovered around the second week of last month that I had an ectopic pregnancy. What was then explained to me soon after devastated us as a family. There was no way I could go forth with a healthy pregnancy, and my life was in danger.

I had two options. Both of which seemed terrifying to me at the time. Surgery or a chemotherapy drug called methotrexate. We’d already been in the hospital 13 hours with no food or water. My body was extremely weak and my mind was beyond stressed. I was told surgery was extremely risky because they could open me up and find nothing, since I was only 2 weeks along. There was a considerable risk of me bleeding out. The chemo agent didn’t seem much better as it was explained to me because it is very toxic to your system. I had no other options. I have a (then 8, now 9) year old son I have to think about that very much needs me.

We chose door number two—the methotrexate therapy. The first night was hell. I was shaking uncontrollably from fever chills and I was in pain. My entire body was weak while my mind was a complete fog. Things got better as the days went on, but as my condition improved, a sort of guilt and grief seeped into me at the same time.

I’m still going through it. Though some parts of this story have gotten a little brighter. I no longer need chemo treatments. My hormones are stabilizing and starting to taper off where they need to be. My body is still healing. There’s still some pain, and I still have to go back weekly for blood testing until I’m considered fully “back to normal.” There is so much more to this story. The rest is all I’ve got in me for now, though. I’m mostly anxious to get back to work.

We named her.

Somehow we both know it was a girl. It’s the kind of knowing the women in my family that I’ve spoken about here before possess. “Seeing” as we call it.

Her name is Journey.

I’ll save the meaning behind that for some other time. Though, if you’d like some clues, take a look at this past review, or even better play that game. It’s a beautiful experience you won’t regret, I promise. And you know I’m big on promises.

(Journey screenshots property of ThatGameCompany and Sony Computer Entertainment)

Sleepy Sundays: Coping

This Sunday I’m going to switch things up a bit since a main part of my work space is absent.

My laptop died/went quietly over the last week and I can’t put out any new art without my art software.  So, things around here will change a bit but I’ll save the rest of that for an uncoming update.

Since a lot of the people I love in my life, mostly close friends, have all been dealing with some form of loss—

I became inspired by them.

 

One lost a husband, another her true love, another a mother, another a brother, another, her father.

What I’ve taken from sudden loss of people we love is that somehow, someway eventually we find an inner strength to cope.

It’s like some strange inner force although only a small wave at first, pushes us along the way and tells us to keep going. Perhaps it has to do with the loved one themself, because we know in our hearts it may very well be what they wanted.

Those thoughts inspired this song. We’ll just count it as my art for today until I get all that back up & running again.

Has a friend recently inspired you? 

Have a peaceful Sunday!

Moments of Silence

It must have been love, but it’s over now.” – Roxette

Sometimes an overflowing of hate can make a person like me shut completely down. The shards from words that cut can fly through the room. When you’re not looking, sometimes those airborne pieces of glass can pierce straight into the heart.

You may notice it got quiet. You may not.

The Burning Bridge
The Burning Bridge

What happens when even the people who fight for good are tired and weary?

This is no terror ground, or place for the rage.” – A Strange Kind of Love by Peter Murphy

My recent break from social media left a few of my friends questioning if I was alright. (Don’t worry, I’ll be back by Friday morning. I know a few days in *internet time* adds to about a year or something in reality.) I had to unplug for my sanity.

With all of the racial tensions, gun debates, political arguing, and just good ol’ fashioned hate going on, my brain simply shut down. I’ve been through this before.

Example 1: In the Cold Light of Day

Example 2: Not Tomorrow

(Not forgetting the countless other incidents before those.)

I’m tired.

I’m weary.

I’m sick of people being ugly to each other.

Perhaps when I return, I’ll be refreshed. Or perhaps, this will summon someone.

Some—

thing.

 

Sleepy Sundays: Star Children

Star Children
Star Children

It’s a time where I feel like everywhere I turn a friend is suffering from a loss or their family has been plagued somehow with disease.

I want to take this time out this Sunday to do things a bit differently. If you’re open to it, I’d like to try a little healing exercise/peaceful meditation with all of you. The trick is you have to trust me. (Details below)

I haven’t added music to one of my #SleepySundays posts in a while, and the following selection will only aid in our exercise. Since I recently had to omit the Daily Daydreams section from the sidebar due to scheduling changes (and changes with the app I update it from) I figured this would be the perfect time to share the music that inspired this art.

David BowieLazarus

David Bowie’s newest song off the recently released Blackstar is being heralded by fans as a message from the late, legendary star as his goodbye message to all.

In the lyrics to Lazarus Bowie poignantly states:

“Oh I’ll be free,

just like that bluebird.

Oh, I’ll be free

– ain’t that just like me.”

In my thirty years on this Earth, I’ve come in contact with death more times than the average person. My life has been touched by cancer. I’ve lost several family members to different forms of it. Friends of mine have had their lives turned upside down by the disease and everything that comes with it.

When I first created CardCastles, the main purpose was to share my arts and writings and the stories behind it with the masses. However, there was also another reason. A morbid truth tucked behind everything that only a few people understood.

I stacked the cards so they would be something to remain when I too, perish. Little pieces of me, scattered about in some vast space so I could linger in some way.

I’ve had my own health scares of the cancerous sort in recent months. I’m sorry to tell you this way. I’ve never been good about sharing such personal details. I’m confident I’m going to be fine. I just need a little space to “regroup and recoup” so to speak. Please respect my privacy during this time. I promise I’ll let you know in some form when it’s over. I will still be posting regularly and there will be YouTube/video integration this year.

I guess what I’m trying to say is death and disease are two aspects of life that will seep in no matter what we do.

The minute we accept that truth is the moment we are truly free. Though, I understand it’s in our nature to fight. It’s what we do best.

So do me a favor this Sunday. Find a quiet place and do this:

  • Step 1. Close your eyes.
  • Step 2. Breathe deep.
  • Step 3. Exhale.
  • Step 4. Keep your eyes closed. (This is important!)
  • Step 5. Visualize yourself as one of those birds pictured above gliding over your favorite scenery. (If you don’t like birds, pick any winged creature, or even yourself, it doesn’t matter.)
  • Step 6. Add music (optional)
  • Step 7. Just keep flying. You’ll see. For a moment, you will truly be at peace, feeling ‘free’.

Do this for me so together we can somehow be at peace even though all of these terrible things effect our lives everyday.

Be well. I love you all.

Have a peaceful Sunday!