Daydreams Diary: Knots

I am seriously debating closing down CardCastles and the larger umbrella responsible for it (Snapping Turtle) for good.

This is not for lack of trying, let me stress.

March has forever been unkind to me throughout my entire life. You may have even read that here before. I don’t have to tell you the following for privacy reasons, but I’m going to. Holding it in is making me even sicker than I already am.

My sister had her daughter (my niece) taken away from her by her ex. There’s a whole lot more to that, but that is just tier one of a set of things that are rapidly pushing me over the edge.

The tax return we were so heavily depending on (to move out of this hellhole) has been seized for student loan debt. All of it.

To top it all off, I just recently discovered my uncle who was once my legal guardian upon my grandmother’s passing, went behind my back while I was hospitalized back in 2006 and somehow illegally obtained “power of attorney” over me. What that basically translates to is I have no rights. He can sign things for me, obtain any money that comes to me. Fraudulently fill out forms in my name, etc etc. & He’ll be protected from any prosecution because, well, Power of Attorney.

Fighting any of this issues in court are near impossible for me since I am floating just above the national poverty line.

 

I am defeated. Depression has taken a strangle hold over me. & I am not sure if I can keep fighting anymore. The sickness I’ve been suffering from is spreading.

To keep this place standing is starting to feel like a crushing burden. I’m still undecided, but I figured I’d try to keep those of you that care in the loop. There are knots in my stomach and I can’t keep food down.

I hope this all isn’t a complete waste. I’ve worked so hard to get here.

I really love a lot of you and I’m sorry to unload all of this depressing muck on you. Pray/chant/will things for us. We will certainly need it in the months ahead.

 

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Sleepy Sundays: Skyway to Summer

Skyway to Summer

This weekend our family had some much-needed time away relaxing and catching up with family. It was so renewing just to see some friendly faces and chat it up with those I love and haven’t seen in a while. If ever there was a perfect day for an outdoor gathering, this weekend managed to crank out a few. 

Even though I thoroughly enjoyed everyone’s company , the wanderer in me couldn’t help but sneak away for a quick stroll down the block. I was dazzled by what almost summer had to offer down this quiet little street. Hues of deep pinks and oranges, and yellows, all dotted the area. Down one particular intersection, a line of trees sat that seemed to go on for days.

The whole time was like one big rejuvenation of the mind, body, and soul. There’s no doubt that my family and nature itself found its way into my designs this week because of this.

What replenishes you?

Have a peaceful Sunday!

 

Family Drama, Nostalgia, and Then Some

I remember a time that was much simpler than this. One where my cousins and I would run and play for hours, without a care in the world. Somehow, all of that dissipated with time. Adulthood came in, along with responsibility, Not So Empty Roomand innocence was then lost.

Over the years, my family has fought over many trivial matters. Like many other families, ours is a bit of the dysfunctional sort, but we manage because we are filled with love. With so many of us now gone, it has brought the remaining relatives closer…or so we thought.

Now, I have a family of my own to care for. My three-year old son is full of energy and needs my attention all of the time. So, you can imagine my displeased nature when I got a phone call Monday about my other family members having a little “drama” going on.

It seems, my sister, (someone I love unconditionally and thought could do no wrong) has posted something online for the world to see (on the social network that shall remain nameless that I’ll just refer to now as “FB”.) I’m not much into social networking sites for personal reasons. I had an incident a few years back where some jerks invaded my privacy and then began internet bullying me afterward. This is one of the reasons I remain somewhat anonymous to this day. (Hopefully, someday that can change.)

Anyway, back to that phone call.

So, my grandfather called me up to let me know my sister was ranting and raving about Mother’s Day and how much she hates it because her mother never gave a damn about her and some other horrible (and partially untrue) things I’d rather not mention.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Although my mother had her problems over the years, she loved us both more than we sometimes deserved. To give you a little back-story, my sister and I grew up in separate homes, and away from our mother (long story) but we remained in contact over the years. In effort to make a longer story short – this hurt my grandfather because that was his daughter, and she is deceased. Not to mention, how it has effected me…I mean…that’s my Mom. I cannot describe to any of you in words how much it hurt when she passed away. She was so young…and so am I still, so it was a devastating loss.

My sister is younger than me, and like I said earlier, grew up with a different family – so I can somewhat understand her pain/anger. I’ve felt similarly in the past. However, the difference between my sister and I? I could and would never say something that hurtful.

My problem now is how to get the message across to my younger sister that this was not only inappropriate, but hurt a lot of family members that still very much miss my mother.

It seems I’m always the figurative janitor of the family. When they fight and argue with each other, I’m the one that cleans up the mess.

This brings me back to something my awesome aunt said recently: “I hate drama, that shit is for high school kids. I like boring. Boring is my new fun. Give me my boring little life any day.”

Undone
As I wrote this, I listened to this:

Alela Diane – Take Us Back