Daydreams Diary: I’ve Been Waiting…

It’s been a while since I sat down to catch up with you.

There’s a reason for that.

In the recent words of someone I’ve always admired, actress Uma Thurman,

 

“I’ve been waiting to feel less angry.”

 

I’ve got a flurry of these Daydreams Diaries coming up this season perhaps making up for it.

With all of the events going on in the world, I felt the sudden urge to re-post my own #MeToo story,

The Girl That Didn’t Cry Wolf

 

 

Shared exclusively a few years ago at Stories That Must Not Die.

I think it’s important to highlight this happens to very young girls too. & We need to protect and educate our children.


Love Always,
Daydreams
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Sleepy Sundays: Strangeland

Strangeland © 2017 Snapping Turtle Arts & Publishing | cardcastlesinthesky.com

This week ended with something that completely stopped time for me for a short while.

My phone rang out as I was getting out of the shower in a rush and it one of those phone calls that kind of makes you go deaf for a second when you first receive the news.

It was my sister on the other end. There had been problems in her relationship for a while now.

The phone call itself was no surprise to me but it’s results somehow still were despite their similarities to times passed. This rang especially true since this all involves my niece who is a product of this rocky relationship, and my blood nonetheless, despite difficult circumstances both my sister and I are now facing as a direct result of said rockiness.

She managed to find herself an attorney in all this mess. Just like my mother would have. This greeting card/wall art design was inspired by an early concept of characters I’m designing for my sister’s daughter, my niece. & They will later go on to be used as prints for others nieces and daughters and sisters, and mothers.

If you our anyone close to you is thinking

about suicide please reach out to someone you can trust

or to any of the resources linked below:

[STMND Community Resources | Suicide Prevention and more]


It’s been a while since we shared some music here.

Why not the perfect time. Sunday morning.


Have a peaceful Sunday. Take care of each other.

Our apologies for the recent closings.

We are still Clearing Out the Clouds to make space for Snapping Turtle.

The shift is nearing completion. I look forward to much more with you all this fall. Stay tuned!

Like a House of Cards…

Last night I cracked my head on the floor.

It was the first panic attack I’ve had in over ten years. 

Maybe it was in light of recent events. Perhaps it was a whole host of mess that’s been building up for a while. 

All I know is I have to write this here & now to get it out of me and into my safe place here. 

I’ve been planning on sharing over at Stories about PTSD, since I had never spoken in-depth about it before. The little bit I have shared though, has helped people along the way.

I got a phonecall a few days back from my sister who lives many states away. The voice on the other end was desperate.

She wanted to move back up here to her original home, but I’d have some convincing to do on her behalf with some family members.

She’s been abusing drugs and engaging the kind of behavior where she could end up dead.

Her erratic/nervous tone over the phone had me sensing this wasn’t going to go right.

She sounded just like my mother at a certain point in time and it frightened me. It also took some of my old wounds and yanked them right back open. 

The worst part was another family member’s reaction. It hurt them. Deeply. I think this is what put me over the edge.

Needless to say no one feels comfortable bringing her up here. Though we still want to help her someway/somehow. 

She just has to truly want the help.

Before I could talk to family members, she posted some drug-infused rant on her Facebook page saying most of her family with the exception of me never cared about her. She went on & on. Of course people saw it. I’ve always told her watch what she blabs out there on the internet.

Now, I can’t hold back.

This may seem insensitive and selfish.

Until I cracked my head on the kitchen floor from the weight of it all. 

I started hyperventilating out of nowhere for about five seconds, my vision blacked out, and I went down like a load of bricks.

When I came to 

my name was being called & I was being asked what happened.

My son and his father had seen me go down quickly, but it was one of those things you couldn’t stop. 

My legs were shaking. I was shocked and embarrassed. I started sobbing hysterically like a two year old.

I was a blubbering mess. 

My son was concerned. “Mom did you slip? Are you okay? You hit your head really hard.”

I’m okay now.

Aside from my tail bone, elbow, ankle, and head hurting like hell.

But what do you do? When your anxiety that you thought was dealt with, comes back and bites you in the ass this hard

I think its time to go back to therapy.

I’m not going to let this knock me down.

I’ve got way too many great things to share with you this 2016. 

Sleepy Sundays: I’ll Light a Candle for You (Part 2)

Heart Light Heart Light

This is a “card castle” in its truest form. If you’re not sure what I mean, perhaps you should read how CardCastles got its name. I purposely left this image untouched, grainy, and blurry because it reflects how I feel about all of this right now, yet it is still a striking visual that conveys the message. This will probably be one of my most somber Sleepy Sundays posts to date.


It is with much sadness and a dreadfully heavy heart, I relay this message here. A dear friend to so many of us has passed on. For those of you that know of Stories That Must Not Die, our team family there now has a hole in it. It’s a considerable space that will never be replaced. We are all still in shock and trying to make sense of it, but more importantly – another friend is in need.

I’d like to take this time out to pause from my normal storytelling and ask all of you reading that know Rara, please shower her with your love and support. Even if you don’t know her, and you’re a friend of mine – consider writing a short letter of condolence. Let her know she is loved and people are thinking about her.

Rara’s Mailing Address:

Radhika Jaini WF0124
CIW LA 249 UP
16756 Chino-Corona Road
Corona, CA  92880

I’ve aligned this remembrance today with a tribute I did for my mother in 2013 titled: I’ll Light a Candle for You

It seemed all too appropriate for this time coinciding with Mother’s Day. Like these two dedications suggest, please consider lighting a candle for Dave today as well.

This is my favorite picture of Rara and Dave. Image courtesy of The Queen Creative.

This Sleepy Sundays post is dedicated to the monumentally talented, Grayson Queen and my mom.

The Family Table

Soon most of us will be gathering with our loved ones for a bit of family time and Thanksgiving. Family TableSome may be having a spectacular feast with tons of people scattered around the table. Others may just have something simple with their significant other or a friend. However you choose to celebrate, I don’t want anyone to feel alone this coming week.

The holidays can be a rough time for some. For those that may be feeling lonely or upset about something, I encourage you to come here and share how you’re feeling. For those of you that may have a little ache in their heart over the next week and weekend, feel free to open up in the comments section here. You’ll be responded to with love, I promise.

If you wish to remain anonymous, use the form provided below.