Daydreams Diary: Cold Air

—• Cold Air •—

[ October 12th, 2017 9:47PM ]

I wanted to explain things to you.

It’s been so long.

There’s so much to explain.

I wanted to write about all the crap going on today.

I was going to call it “The Silencing of Rose McGowan” and it would’ve been great.

But I don’t have a lot of that edgy shit in me right now. & Well, frankly, you don’t care anyway.

I’ve been told to

keep the politics out of it.”

Hell, that was even my rule here once. Maybe that’s where I fucked up.

I need to drop the “Daydreams” because I’ve been “out of character” for over two years now.

But I still don’t feel 100% comfortable putting my name out there.

Maybe I should.

My head is a mess.

My health is dwindling.

I want to turn it all around but I am losing the fight.

I am losing my will to hold on.

It’s not that I’m ungrateful.

It’s that I was born with a cursed body.

And a cursed mind.

I may be of the witchy sort,

but I’m not one to undo hexes.

After all, the one that set that in motion had a reason and felt justified at the time.

No, I’d rather see how this plays out.

So let me be.

I’ll do just fine.

Just let me curl up

with this rott

in my mind.


[ September 17th, 2017 ]

—• Flashes •—

 

You wrote me today.

It was the first time in a while and it made me smile.

Even if just for a speck of reality.

 

I stumbled upon them again today.

This is the second time they were connected to someone in my network.

A new potential client or friend that I again had to let go in fear of them following the trail.

Why do I still care?

Do they even still think about me?

Am I still considered “a threat”?

I highly doubt it when he’s got 82,000 following and I’m well, me.

 

My patience was tested again today.

This was the third time in a few short weeks.

You accused my friend of baiting when he simply fought to be heard.

Why do you seek to silence us?

Will muting the messenger really snuff out the message?

Perhaps it be your guilty conscience that’s speaking louder than the both of us.

The weight of your judgement through trying times speaks volumes of your character.


[ August 30th, 2017 ]

—• Tormentors •—

Time is always uncertain.

Your words don’t stick.

They fade.

You think you’re important.

You’re not.

“Shade, shade, shade.”

You’re damn right it’s shade.

My tongue is a blade.

You are empty

And I am afraid.

So let’s make a trade.

Shall we, Adelaide?

Let’s call a spade a spade and give up this masquerade

when you know it’s just me here

and the bill must be paid.

Despite your shiny appearance,

your pockets are frayed.

 

—Daydreams

Filing a Grief Report

There will be an updated Terms of Service added to CardCastles within the next few days.

I’ve seen the need for this in recent years more rather than less so I decided to finally write up a legitimate, legally-binding document.

These changes are mainly being put in place not only to protect my individual/intellectual property rights as an artist, but to protect this community of loyals (Daydreamers, as you’ve been affectionately referred to. Credit to Maddie at @1EarthUnited for that pretty pearl.)

I’m aware that there may come a time where a troll may harass you, or another user may make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes there may be an argument that takes place in the comments section when no one is here to see it.

That is precisely the kind of incident this Grief Report system was designed for.

Filing a Grief Report

How To

  • Head on over to the Contact page.
  • Scroll to the Contact form and select “Grievance” (See Example)
rep_instructions
Grief Report Filing Example
  • Describe the incident or complaint.
  • Submit and wait for Confirmation Email.

Now, let’s hope we never have to use these.

Cruel, Cruel Summer

Serious writers will tell you completing a book is no easy feat. My closet is home to many short stories that may someday make a book of their own. These projects have taken a back seat lately to one large composition.

Juggling a book with being a Mommy, keeping a happy (& clean) home, not neglecting my other jobs, and maintaining a blog has become overwhelming. Somehow, I manage. A recent addition of family dynamics has made this all the more cumbersome.

My family has always been an interesting bunch. When I say this, I don’t mean the small family that consists of me, my son, and his father. We’re of a simple sort. I mean the family I knew years before my son was born. It’s a complicated story that would take more than a day or a few paragraphs to explain. I’ll give you a short detail of that novel in itself.

Sisters are said to have an inexplicable bond. That definitely rings true for my sister and I. There is just one small piece of the puzzle missing. She and I have been separated since she was about three years old. We live several states apart and rarely get a chance to see each other. Up until recently, we even went a painful block of time where we didn’t talk for almost a year. This wasn’t intentional. It was merely life’s trials separating us in yet another way.

Recently, we rebuilt this bridge of contact. We’ve had deeper conversations than ever before. It’s been tough on both of us, but necessary. I find myself having powerful nightmares possibly caused from this stirring of emotions. Considering how much we’re alike, I’m sure she is going through the same exact strange incidents. SpagettiHead

So where has this all left my writing? Well, contrary to what some would believe, it has helped it. I’ve stated somewhere here on CardCastles before that I work best when full of emotion. Other tasks have fallen sadly behind, though. I find the laundry piling up. My son’s room looks like a tornado of epic proportions has ripped through it. I’ve skipped cooking dinner some nights. These are just a few in a sea of many.

I guess the moral to this story is the balance of family and work is a trying scale to operate. Sometimes the weight of both could be unbearable. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a mother these past three years, it’s that parents are spectacular jugglers. Moms are no exception. We are the grand finale-at the-circus-kind of jugglers.

I’ll be much happier and less complainy (yes, complainy – just go with it) when fall rolls around. Summer has been a fun learning journey, but I’m so ready for it to be over. Managing all these tasks and trying to finish a book has been cruel. This heat has been equally cruel. In memory of all summers cruel – I’d like to share an old favorite of mine from the 80s. (Yes, I’m totally dating myself here.) Sing with me. By all means, do a cheesy 80s dance. It relieves stress. Trust me.