Anger in the Age of

flashback, 1996, NY, statue

Anger.

Whether misdirected or in the form of cyber-bullying, or through my former articles about stress & anger management, or any of the stories I shared about abuse during my time with STMND, anger is a topic we’re quite familiar with here at CardCastles.

So some of the replies I got today due to my support of another strong woman, Maxine Waters, didn’t surprise me.

chat iconThese may seem like two simple pieces of the internet at first glance. Although I did notice something and have been noticing this over & over play out again & again.
When you look at this from a broader scale, it may be clear to some that this response is the language of hate, and not just mere opinion.

Let’s dive deeper, shall we?

Calling someone like Maxine or myself crazy, from the pedestal that many of these cult followers stand on, is something abusers and controllers, bullies and dictactors have done since the beginning of time. They try to silence or discredit the person by calling the person, “crazy” thus nulling their opinion. Some of the cultists that responded to what I said up there called me crazy too for calling her a strong woman.

That kind of language is something I’m all too familiar with, coming from a cycle of abuse myself. I lived with a family member that used this tactic on both my mother and myself often.

In a society where I think most of us are trying to eradicate the stigma surrounding mental illness, language like this is a double-edged sword. Let’s face it, though. People that could support this regime don’t exactly care about anyone—not even themselves.

This is a pattern I’m seeing in all of these people that support this regime. They appear brainwashed, are usually not of high intelligence, and have abusive and/or racist tendencies. They use religion as a means to hide behind and defend their hideous actions. It is sickening to watch and to say the lot of that are sane in this country are tired of it is far beyond an understatement.

This type of silencing and spiritual and psychologial and even generational warfare they have begun will have lasting effects for generations to come.

Despite them and their abuse,

I am telling all of you with a heart and soul left in your body to speak up now and condemn all of this madness every single time you see it.

Now is not the time to be silent and respectful anymore.

We are going through a full blown crisis of epic proportions in this country and we have to protect our youth while uplifting each other. It is a damn war zone out here with all of this violence happening and such hate in the air.

Daydreams Diary: Flames (Part II)

Daydreams in Otherworlds © 2017 Snapping Turtle Arts | cardcastlesinthesky.com

When I first started out, “Daydreams” was very much a character.

Now she’s just a cloak that I wear to protect whatever little shred of privacy I have left.

Flurry

I’ve all but exposed my whole ass for the world to see. Most are no longer comfortable with me since I’m not fluffing their egos while being kind and PC. But I’m getting off-track a bit. Let’s rewind to the first half of this before I go any further.

It chirped away. Not a pleasant bell like that of a teeny sparrow, but a manic, repetitive, screeching sound akin to metal on metal. I could almost sense what it was. In fact, in the corners of my subconscious, I think I very much did.

It was a person in my professional network, pointing me towards the mouthes of the displeased.

Displeasure—oh, how I’ve danced with you on and off these past few years.

Passive-aggressive in its nature, though point taken, it stood out like a festering sore on a beautiful face. It’s always a meme, right? No one can pull me aside and quietly voice their grievances. No, it has to be shouted to their entire following, but covertly enough that I can’t expose them. So much so that if I did, I’d look like the crazy one.

This is not the first time.

Or the second.

And I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Oh no, definitely not the last. But I’m not allowed to feel either.

“Oh stop whining.”

“What a butthurt bitch.”

“Quit playing the victim.”

I can hear it now. Loud as ever.

I’ve been more vocal on human rights issues and more. These are some things sadly deemed “political.”

“It ain’t cute, sweetheart.” They said I was shaming people. Well darlin’ sadly, in these times we’re living in, some things need to be shamed.

In the words of someone I’ve always deeply admired that’s been harmed by the very industry I work alongside:

Name it. Shame it. Call it out.Rose McGowan

So what’s wrong with me calling these issues out? Why does that all of a sudden make me not your cup of tea? What does my little insignificant voice have to do with your happiness? Why do you feel the need to tear me down in the process?

I thought I was well past letting bullshit like that penetrate me. But it has. Yet again. Especially when these [very public] bashings start to effect my income. (If I showed you the numbers, and how far they’ve traveled downward since about May 2017, you’d cry.)

I’m slowly moving past it. After all, the projects on my desk don’t give a shit who is ripping me apart and why. I had a little outburst over it, then soon after regretted it. It made me look like the asshole. It made me look immature. Though I come from a place where if you don’t respond, you’re a coward. Though in today’s world, if you do respond, you’re giving them attention and that also winds up making you look like an idiot.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Amidst all this madness I had a great conversation with one of my best friends whom I consider like adopted family. He spoke of similar situations with slimy people’s passive-aggressive nature and likened getting rid of such negativity to purging impurities with flames. What a beautiful comparison it was. Like the practice of burning sage—a cleansing ritual.

So I guess what I’m stabbing at in all this is, sometimes we need to purge the ugliness in our life with flames. And no, I’m not telling you to go set shit on fire. (Ya crazy asses.) I’m simply hinting at the notion that in order to truly move up and move on in our lives, sometimes we really need to cut things loose—set them ablaze. One thing I’m learning is it doesn’t matter how many times we feel we have to do this. If we feel the need, it’s probably for a reason. There’s probably another phase ready for us on the other side waiting.

So go burn some sage.

– Daydreams

Sleepy Sundays: I’ll Light a Candle for You (Part 2)

Heart Light Heart Light

This is a “card castle” in its truest form. If you’re not sure what I mean, perhaps you should read how CardCastles got its name. I purposely left this image untouched, grainy, and blurry because it reflects how I feel about all of this right now, yet it is still a striking visual that conveys the message. This will probably be one of my most somber Sleepy Sundays posts to date.


It is with much sadness and a dreadfully heavy heart, I relay this message here. A dear friend to so many of us has passed on. For those of you that know of Stories That Must Not Die, our team family there now has a hole in it. It’s a considerable space that will never be replaced. We are all still in shock and trying to make sense of it, but more importantly – another friend is in need.

I’d like to take this time out to pause from my normal storytelling and ask all of you reading that know Rara, please shower her with your love and support. Even if you don’t know her, and you’re a friend of mine – consider writing a short letter of condolence. Let her know she is loved and people are thinking about her.

Rara’s Mailing Address:

Radhika Jaini WF0124
CIW LA 249 UP
16756 Chino-Corona Road
Corona, CA  92880

I’ve aligned this remembrance today with a tribute I did for my mother in 2013 titled: I’ll Light a Candle for You

It seemed all too appropriate for this time coinciding with Mother’s Day. Like these two dedications suggest, please consider lighting a candle for Dave today as well.

This is my favorite picture of Rara and Dave. Image courtesy of The Queen Creative.

This Sleepy Sundays post is dedicated to the monumentally talented, Grayson Queen and my mom.

Anger Management

Anger PangsOne of the most powerful of our human emotions is anger. Sadly, it’s also the most destructive. It can ruin relationships, void employment, and cause a monstrous amount of anxiety to the person it holds captive.

Anger can manifest in a variety of forms. Some studies say it is most commonly followed by sadness or vice versa. There are facts that support fear being anger’s long lost cousin.

If you or someone you know is having trouble with anger the tips below may be of some help.

Before reading on – Read this 1st

 Please do not mistake these tips and tools for medical advice or treatment. (This is specifically vital in cases where you or the person in question is indeed in crisis.) These are simply some steps I’ve taken that have helped me and those surrounding.

  • When you come in contact with your trigger[1], be aware of it. This mainly translates to being aware of your surroundings and trying to avoid things that set off your anger.
  • Don’t let disagreements turn into heated arguments. Simple and concise. If you feel yourself wanting to scream, take time to breathe deep and calm yourself. Don’t even respond if you can’t do it calmly. If the other person nags at you to respond…you may need to reconsider the friendship or relationship. Someone that knows you have an anger problem and only fuels it may be toxic to you. (That brings us to our next point.)
  • Dump toxic relationships. These will only hinder your progress. (It may even render it useless.) This is relatively self-explanatory. People in your life that do the opposite of supporting you shouldn’t be there. They’ll only cause more heartache and eventually more outbursts from you.
  • Let go. Walk away. This is the golden rule. It sounds so cheesy but it really is true. When you feel your skin get hot and your blood is boiling – there’s still about a 30 second window to step right out of that situation.
  • Meditate. It doesn’t take much to set some time aside and clear your head. Even if it’s only 10 minutes of your day, you’ll be better off for it.

 

The above mentioned tools are just some of many. These are just the ones that have helped me and those around me the most. If you know someone dealing with severe anger, there is help out there. There is a long list of resources available in each county, state, and even country. Anger management groups are held in countless clinics everywhere. It’s not such a bad idea to try them out.

There are two other articles of mine that have been a great deal of help to some people. This is part of that series. Think of it as a “Part 3” of sorts.

The others are: Stress Management and Grief Management.

 


[1] trigger: In psychological terms, this means something that sets a person off. It could be (but is not limited to) an object, an event, a place, or even another person.

This form of the word is most commonly used in treatment facilities, in group or individual therapy, and amongst psychologists and psychiatrists alike.